THE PLAYER

May appear to be an example of a healthy expression of male sexuality..

But the opposite is in fact true.

I’m talking about the guy that has been with many women, but commits to none…

Little does he know, he is more similar to a man with repressed sexual desire and energy, than he would ever care to admit, or self recognise.

But how could this be true?

It is true because the underlying pain, inadequacy, shame, guilt and fear are very similar.

One man covers this up by suppressing his sexual energy.

The other man, the player, covers it up by being overly focused and overtly expressing it.
And by doing so he is trying to prove too himself and others that he is in fact desirable, loveable, wanted, adequate and enough.

A same dynamic can be seen within the different attachment styles of anxious and avoidant. They are often coming from a similar core ‘wound’, but appear as completely different manifestations.

How do I know all of this?

I know because I have spent time in both sides of this spectrum.
I have both been over-active and under-active in my sexual energy.

And until I met the underlying ‘wound’… my romantic relationships continued to be dysfunctional.

And the hard truth is that they were dysfunctional… because I was.

I am writing this post not to condemn anyone.

But to bring greater understanding to what is a healthy expression of male sexuality, and what is not.

The man who has many sexual partners may appear to be sexually liberated and free.
But most often he is just as trapped as the man that is repressed.

Having many sexual partners is rarely a sign of integration, balance and healthy attachment.

It is time to change our understanding of healthy expressions of sexuality, in both men and women.