'A Man's Mission Comes First' is DYFUNCTIONAL... and here is why...
I made this bold statement in a previous post. In relation to a man putting his mission before his relationships. Specifically his partner and his family.
Now is this applicable for ALL men.
No.
I never believe in a ‘one size fits all’ approach.
For many men it can be incredibly powerful mindset for a specific season in life.
But there are more and more men that are choosing their mission, business or career first... in perpetuity. And this is what I am speaking to.
Buckle up…
It is dysfunctional and here is why…
1. It is often rooted in a number of dysfunctional subconscious beliefs; about women and relationships.
Specific examples… (and remember these are subconscious)
- Relationships take away my focus and energy from my mission.
- Relationships are hard and take so/too much work.
- Relationships do not contribute to my life, they only take.
- Women are selfish, only want to take from me and I can’t trust them.
- I must focus on my mission and build something of value, for a woman to love me and commit to me.
- My worth is decided by my performance in professionally and how much I create and build.
- Women are hard work and not worth the effort.
- I can succeed on my mission/ career/ business OR in my relationships, but not both, at the same time.
2. It is often grounded in unhealthy attachment styles.
I rarely see a man with the mindset of ‘my mission comes first’ that has a secure attachment style.
Most often it is a man that has been highly codependent and anxious in his relationships, and is seeking to heal.
Or it is man that is avoidant and ‘my mission comes first’ is a way of hiding from his attachment trauma.
3. It is an easy escape from accepting the challenges he has faced in past relationships.
Unfortunately men are not taught how to be men in relationships today.
We are not taught how to be in or led our relationships with women... to a place where the relationship positively contributes to our mission.
We are also not taught how to do deep inner work (most personal development is highly feminised).
4. ‘Either / Or’ mindset rather than ‘And’
There is a way for men to put themselves and their mission first.
While putting their relationship right there beside it.
We need to understand that we can have growth simultaneously, in our mission and our relationships. And in fact there is a compounding effect of having a healthy, thriving, supportive relationship.
5. Materialism
In many ways ‘a man’s mission’ is a by-product of an over commercialised and materialist society. It is focusing on ‘doing’ and accumulation of endless assets. Rather than the beauty of deep, intimate relationships and the creation of healthy families.
**As a side note - married men earn more than single men.
6. Short-sightedness and Higher Purpose
Many men are focused on their mission but forget the larger picture.
Obviously there can be higher purposes, perhaps spiritual purposes.
But there is also the natural purpose of life on Earth. **If you believe in incarnation, and that you are here for a reason. Then understand there is reason we are in physical (animal) bodies.
And the basic purpose of animal life, is to procreate and to become stronger, fitter and more dynamic. To evolve.
In a way, there is no greater mission than creating a healthy, dynamic, stable and functional family environment. To support the next generation.
—
Now… to be clear.
This is not a post to condemn anyone or their choices.
This is a post to bring awareness to an uncommon perspective. That I hope will begin to shatter any illusion you have...
Around being a man on a mission AND having a fulfilling relationship at the same time.
So that moving forward you can make an informed choice.
... It is easy to forget that everything we have comes from relationships.
Without relationships all life would cease to exist.
Healthy, driven, purposeful men in healthy, stable relationships are the foundation of a healthy society.
And as a final note, remember…
Healthy relationships help individuals thrive.
